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The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
 
 
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Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
 
 
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Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
 
 
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I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
 
 
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The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
 
 
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Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
 
 
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Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
 
 
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When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
 
 
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Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
 
 
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He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
 
 


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